I don't know how long I was unconscious. I remember gaining consciousness and hysterically crying out for help. I began processing my environment. I was sitting in a dark room and sitting on something hard. I thought that I was dead and that maybe this was what death felt like. But then I noticed a light coming out of a corner of the room and then it slowly began to grow larger.
"Who are you?" I asked.
Then a man walked in the room. I remembered his eyes. "You are the man from the gas station. You held the door open for my husband and me as we walked in. What have you done to me? Where is my husband?"
He then explained how he had fallen uncontrollably in love with me as he saw me. I mean I have read the fairy tales so I know about this whole myth of "love at first sight," but that's all it is - a myth. He then proceeded to promise me the moon and the stars. Everything I could ever want he would give to me, if only I would agree to marry him. I refused.
This was three months ago. Three months! I thought by now the FBI or CSI or Superman would have found me. But no. Every day that man comes in here and brings lavish gifts. He hasn't relented. I think he is determined to continue this until I submit. But what does he expect! He kidnapped me and potentially killed my husband.
I have no idea if my husband is even alive. Do you know what that feels like? Hopeless. It feels hopeless. What am I doing holding out for someone who might be dead? God I hope he's dead. Because if he is alive, it looks like he gave up on me. Maybe he thinks I'm dead. Maybe I should be dead. What's the point of continuing? It clearly hasn't gotten me anywhere.
"Psssssst Aria... psssssst Aria," someone was whispering from the corner of the room where the tiny bit of light shines through.
"Hello, yes, I am here."
Silence.
As I walk toward the tiny glimmer of light, I see something sparkling on the floor. I bend down to pick it up and I recognize it immediately. It's my husband's wedding ring with a note attached to it.
"Till death do us part. I'm coming."
Author's Note:
This week I spent a lot of time thinking about what it must have been like for Sita to wait for Rama in The Ramayana . As readers we often don't realize how much time has passed in between the major events of the story. She went months without any sign that he would be coming for her, but she still remained faithful. When I was reading this I wasn't sure how she even survived. I wanted to show the strength of Sita and her faithfulness. Although we won't know for sure what Sita went through, it is still fun to experiment with the possibilities. This story was very easy to write and it was outside my comfort zone but I really enjoyed it. I didn't include a lot of dialogue because I wanted to focus on the thought process of Sita. I also wanted to add a modern twist to the story. It is fun to place stories in a different time frame and play with the situation and the characters themselves. In a way, it is showing how timeless the Ramayana is. Set in modern times, it is still a fascinating story that can be enjoyed. Sita is a less defined story in the book, so she was an easy one to mold and play with.
Bibliography:
"The Ramayana" by R.K. Narayan (2006)
Image Information:
Ghost Light Web Source: Wikipedia
Hayley, this was an excellent version of Sita’s kidnapping. I appreciate the first person narrative- I longed for more of the story to be told from Sita’s point of view when I was doing the reading for class, and this provides exactly the kinds of detail I was looking for. I was very impressed by the imagery you used. The way you broke up the dialogue in the format of your blog made the story very easy to follow. Also, I like how you developed the character of the kidnapper. When doing the reading for class, I pictured Ravana as a crazy monster, but after reading your version I am able to think of him more as a pathetic creep. I like how you separated out the writing on the note. It made for a very dramatic and exciting ending! Also, it aligned well with the real story. Your writing left me wanting to hear more, which is a testament to your abilities!
ReplyDeleteWow - your story really puts Stia's kidnapping into a modern perspective! The man from the gas station's sudden infatuation and willingness to kidnap Aria makes Ravana seem even more wicked. I hadn't thought about Sita's feelings from this perspective. Although Ravana had power and wealth, in comparison to Rama, he must have seemed like some random person from the gas station. How did you come up with the name "Aria?" According to Wikipedia, "Aria" means "lioness" in Aramaic and Hebrew, which I think is very fitting. I really liked the way you ended the story. The mysterious visitor and the note with the wedding ring really build suspense.
ReplyDeleteHayley, this was great! I liked how you took Sita's kidnapping, and not only told it from her point of view, but updated it to a more modern setting. At first I was unsure of the setting, because the language was very present-day, but what was happening could be anytime. I picked up on it quickly enough, so I think it worked out alright! I really, really liked the wedding ring part at the end--modern, heartfelt, and a really strong image to boot. Nicely done there. I was interested that Aria didn't really seem fearful at all through the whole ordeal, just hopeless and a little miffed. I think some stronger word choice might have helped those emotions come through better, but overall it was still really well done. I would also make sure to be careful with tenses in the writing, but that's mostly stylistic, and up to you. Overall, nicely written, and a great read!
ReplyDeleteGreat story!. I never thought about how much time elapsed between the Sita and Rama. The way you gave the story a thriller or horror setting was creative. Inner monologue and the dialog used to describe how her feeling helped us understand her. The best part though was the glimmer or hope at the ending I never expected her to find her husbands ring
ReplyDeleteHi Hayley! This was a really well-done story, with lots of little details that really worked well together to create a nice sense of horror/dread. It was a bit confusing at first to get a good grasp on where the story was or what was going on, but that does make us identify more with how Aria is feeling waking up in the strange room. The image you chose for this story is a really great visual representation for what you're describing and I think it makes the scene that much more vivid. The note at the end was especially clever, and it's such a great cliff hanger if you ever decided to write a part two. Aria's inner monologue does a lot to help flesh out her emotions, but there does seem to be an odd conflicting tone when you mention Superman. The rest of the story has an action/horror vibe, and that line struck me as more comedic.
ReplyDeleteHey Hayley!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story “Till Death Do Us Part.” I liked how you modernized it. I felt like I was reading a plot summary for Criminal Minds. It kept me on the edge of my seat. I wanted to know if she would escape, whether or not her husband was still alive, who her captor was.
I did not notice any grammar and punctuation errors. Everything ran smoothly. The breaks for your paragraphs made sense. It made the story concise and clear and run smoothly.
I think my favorite thing about your story was the image you included. It fits your story perfect. It reflects the setting of your story – mysterious, dark, and suspenseful. It made me feel like I was with the main character and experiencing the same thig she was experiencing.
Another thing that I noticed was how none of the characters were named – until the very end when something was calling out to Aria. I felt like this added to the mysterious tone of the story.
I love your story! I really like how you put a modern twist on it and gave a more in depth look on how Sita was feeling. I think your story flowed well and I really enjoyed it. The way you focused on Sita's thoughts was a really good change. I always felt like the original stories were lacking in emotion and your story definitely shows how Sita was feeling. I always wondered what happened to Sita while she was gone but she really wasn't the main focus of the original epics so I liked how you changed that. I also think the fact that you added a time component really helped to understand her frustration. Three months to be held captive is quite a long time. My favorite part of your story has to be the ring with the note. It showed that her husband did truly care about her and was going to keep trying to find her no matter what. Overall, I think your story is really good.
ReplyDeleteThis story was awesome! I'll admit that I'm the type of person to skim stories but I actually read every single word! You did a great job catching my attention and keeping me fascinated til the very end! That's a very difficult task, trust me. I loved how you portrayed Sita's perspective. Can you imagine just waiting for someone, anyone, to save you from a lunatic? The main character was even hoping Superman to come save her! I don't blame her for having her cynical thoughts. The modern twist that you gave to the story freaked me out because a stranger from the gas station kidnapped the wife. How many times as my father warned me about going to the gas station alone at night? More than I can count, but I still do. After reading your story, I'm really reluctant to do so. The ending was really heartwarming. Unconditional love tends to pull my heart strings, and it makes me happy that her husband hasn't given up. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteWOW!
ReplyDeleteThe more that I read my peers story's, the more I am impressed and also get really great ideas for my blog story's. You really caught my attention in the beginning, which is really good, because I have a tendency to not pay attention if the story did not grab my attention in the beginning. So really good job with that. I think while reading these narratives for class, we only really get to see one side of the story, so it was nice that you made your story from Sita's point of view. I laughed when you mention the stranger and the gas station, because my grandma used to always tell me to carry pepper spray and a prayer if I was at a gas station late at night, which was all the time because I prefer to get gas at night instead of during the day for some odd reason. Really good job with your story.
Hi Hayley. Great job with this story! I really like the theme of your portfolio. Choosing the “untold stories” approach creates a situation in which the readers are always going to be reading something new, giving them a new insight to the stories. I think this was a perfect addition to this theme. No thought is really given to Sita’s time away from her husband. Telling this story makes it even more sad to think about how she will only be rejected by Rama wants she is freed from her captures. You did a really good job of telling the story from a first person point of view. This really lets the reader get a taste of the struggles and sorrows that would be running through a persons head if they were stuck in this same situation. I usually write in the third person, but after reading this I think I will give this a shot! Great job.
ReplyDelete1. I definitely enjoyed reading through your portfolio so far. I enjoy how you are choosing to focus on the differences in the gaps left in the stories rather than just retelling the main aspects of the myths we have come across in this course. The image that you used definitely conveyed the strange isolation and uncertainty that Sita must have felt. Overall, I though your story was well-written, however, it was a bit confusing at first for me to place the setting in modern times, however, this did not put me off of the overall piece. Having the abductor be a man from an everyday situation actually made Sita’s situation much more realistic and terrifying. The only thing I didn’t understand was that the name was changed to Aria, since I’m not sure if this is just going along with your different setting, or if it is a different idea entirely. Despite this, I look forward to reading some other elements of your portfolio! The introduction was definitely short and sweet and piqued my interest!
ReplyDeleteHey Haley! I am commenting on your portfolio because it is one of my favorites. Besides your obvious talent for writing opening sentences and fascinating titles, you have a way with words that creates some of the most interesting retellings that I have seen. I like how you have written these. It attests to the creative process that your brain is running with. I just read the above story for the first time. It was written just like a thrilling television show and the that you ended it was chilling and hopeful at the same time. It makes me want to flip the page (if there was one) and keep reading this story. It is hard to believe we are about done with the class. I hope you keep writing like this somehow because you have a talent for it. Keep up the good work and good luck with finals!
ReplyDeleteHi Haley,
ReplyDeleteThis was an extraordinary modern take on Sita's waiting. I've noticed a trend with there being storybooks and portfolios focusing on the women's point of view. I enjoy these stories because we spent a long time hearing about what the men were doing but didn't get to hear the other side. You make the gas station man seem like he cares but it's also really creepy. This reminds me of something that could be in an episode of criminal minds. One thing I thought were what were the names of the characters. Is Aria the name of the wife? I think that might have been the only name you mentioned. It would have been interesting to have the captor explain a bit more about what he did and why. There were also those people with Sita while she was waiting. That would be real creepy to have some weird old ladies down there with her like in the epic.